The first half of that statement I can definitely agree with : I’m not who I use to be.
Can’t drink like I use to. Don’t weigh the same. Don’t go to clubs ( not even every now and then or for my birthday).
My introverted-ness has grown. My favorite thing to do on a Friday night is as little as possible. This Friday I fell asleep with a book in my hand and a cat on my lap.
What worries me is the 2nd half of the quote; the part about ” feeling better about myself and my life”. This is the part I’m not sure about.
When I was a junior in high school, my English teacher made all of us write a letter to our future selves and describe what we though we’d be doing in 10 years time. Then she kept them and mailed them to me a year or so ago.
Not surprisingly, my 17 year old self had more dreamed up for my twenty-something self , than what I have actually experienced or achieved and I’m looking at 30.
Now, being older, I realize that at the time the letter was written, I had no clue about the realities of being an actual adult. However, after reading that letter, I start to wonder , “Who the hell did I think I was?” and ” How can I get that capacity to dream and hope back?”. How do I feel better about myself and my life?
I can answer this in parts. I know it has something to do with acceptance. I know it has something to do with forgiving myself. I know it has something to do with challenging myself in some areas of my life and being gentle with myself in others. I know making a true effort to be healthy is also a big part of the answer, because my health is the foundation upon which I am able to stand upon and say , ” I like myself. I like my life.”
As a nurse I’ve encounters many people with chronic ( life-long, long-term) conditions that affect their everyday lives. Some conditions cannot be avoided, but some can through healthy decision making .
So in all of this , I see myself charged to do two things:
1. Hang On : I have to trust that I’ll understand the ‘why’ to why whatever I thought at 17 would happen in my adult life did not happen that way.
2. Continue to Make Healthy Decisons : I have to continue to take care of myself and love myself and take care of my body, so that when I get confirmation , I can celebrate or take action or whatever.
Or at least I think so š
